I miss my wife, I miss my kids, I just don’t understand how she could leave given her knowledge of the Lord’s instructions. We never cheated, we never really fought, I just don’t see the reason not that I have been given one. It seems like madness that we got into an argument and in the heat of the moment I said if that is how you feel then don’t come home and she took me up on the offer. I am torn in the reasoning… A part of me feels it is my fault for saying that to her but at the same time if that is all it took then she must have been either planning this or wanting it. I really don’t know and I think that part is what hurts the most. I want to go and beg her to come home and tell her we can work this out but she left me 6 years ago and I did that very thing for 3 months until she came home…maybe she really didn’t want to come home and I pushed it. I don’t know. A part of me tells me that she is my wife and I should fight tooth and nail to get her to come home but then again another part tells me to let her go and see if God will work on her heart and return her to me and her want to be here. I don’t know…
I do know that I really miss my wife and my kids and the wholeness of a family. It feels as if my flesh has been torn apart, I make the best of it and continue to grow in Christ, I am getting healthy and finances are looking up but it is so incomplete without them. It just sucks to be honest.
Anyway, it will be a struggle for some time since this is something I must face daily, a roller coaster ride of hurt, anger and regret seem to be in the forecast but I know above the storm cloud the son is shinning bright and this cloud will pass. I am trusting God and trying not to cry out “Are we there yet?” too much on this journey.
<personal blog/journal hat off>.
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