You, Lord, give me true peace

I was lost and you found me. I was weak and you gave me strength. My heart was heavy and you helped me carry it. My mind raced with worry and you calmed my thoughts. My life so intense and you gave me rest. I gave you my troubles and you took my fears with them. My spirit was broken and you mended it with gain. You are good oh Lord, I am so grateful to be a child of the most high Lord. You were with me during the pain and I embraced you with eagerness, I am sorry for not seeing you during the good times, I promise to work on that. I am learning to not pray for my wishes but only that your will be done. You oh God, know what is best and I give you my life and trust you will take care of it. I am yours Lord. I love you and long more than anything to someday hear “well done good and faithful servant”. I seek to please you Lord…thank you for saving a wretch like me. You, Lord, give me true peace, I depend on you, and I trust you.

-Isaiah 26:3

-Matthew 11:28-30

I miss her, I miss them…

Sorry, <personal blog/journal hat on>.

I miss my wife, I miss my kids, I just don’t understand how she could leave given her knowledge of the Lord’s instructions. We never cheated, we never really fought, I just don’t see the reason not that I have been given one. It seems like madness that we got into an argument and in the heat of the moment I said if that is how you feel then don’t come home and she took me up on the offer. I am torn in the reasoning… A part of me feels it is my fault for saying that to her but at the same time if that is all it took then she must have been either planning this or wanting it. I really don’t know and I think that part is what hurts the most. I want to go and beg her to come home and tell her we can work this out but she left me 6 years ago and I did that very thing for 3 months until she came home…maybe she really didn’t want to come home and I pushed it. I don’t know. A part of me tells me that she is my wife and I should fight tooth and nail to get her to come home but then again another part tells me to let her go and see if God will work on her heart and return her to me and her want to be here. I don’t know…

I do know that I really miss my wife and my kids and the wholeness of a family. It feels as if my flesh has been torn apart, I make the best of it and continue to grow in Christ, I am getting healthy and finances are looking up but it is so incomplete without them. It just sucks to be honest.

Anyway,  it will be a struggle for some time since this is something I must face daily, a roller coaster ride of hurt, anger and regret seem to be in the forecast but I know above the storm cloud the son is shinning bright and this cloud will pass. I am trusting God and trying not to cry out “Are we there yet?” too much on this journey.

<personal blog/journal hat off>.

The Darkness of light.

How dark does the black need to be before the blindness of the day’s light fades and I open my eyes? I walk each day into the next, oblivious to life…one step closer to death. Only in the deepest of sorrow and pain is hope found… is hope sought. How long will my cries go unanswered… unheard? Deep in this pit of despair I long to taste the sweet relief, deep in this pit I drift in thoughts of the final chapter. My thoughts, my hopes, my will… fade to black. The pain is all I know now, it is an old friend long forgotten. My friend whispers such sour nothings into my mind. Darkness engulfs me, stealing my words, my thoughts, my desire for the light. I want to remember the light but my minds eye is blinded by the pain.

The blindness fades, my eyes adjust and in this darkness I can see. I see what should have been… what could have been. I see how blind I was, walking in the light. I see the neglect I have shown to the one who comforts me, the one who is always there waiting on me to open my eyes. Now in absolute darkness, I see the light hidden from me by the day. The light once dwarfed by the bustle. The sounds of television, the noise of the headlines, the bills, the cars, the sex…all left behind the veil of darkness. The glimmer of hope is in my horizon, the candle flickers…it seems so delicate and exposed. I feel the pull from the other side as the pain subsides but the comforter clings to me, pulls me into His bosom. My pain is calmed by His embrace and my heart already begins to cheat…my eyes are closing as each agony is lifted. He knows I will cheat, He knows I will forget…He hugs me tightly and wipes the tears. In his arms, I am at peace. In His arms, my eyes begin to close… I awake with the memory so fresh in my mind as I walk into the light. The sun so bright, the day so short…on this day in the darkness of light, my vision will fade. I walk each day into the next, oblivious to life.


“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” -Psalm 56:8

“He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.” -Revelation 21:4

“After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect,
confirm, strengthen, and establish you.”
1 Peter 5:10

“And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
2 Corinthians 12: 9-10

“No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.”
1 corinthians 10: 13

“Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ”
phillipians 3: 8

“My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD, Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him; 6 For whom the LORD loves He chastens, And scourges every son whom He receives.”
hebrews 12:5-6

Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day
2 Corinthians 4:16

When a woman gives birth to a baby, she has pain, because her time has come. But when her baby is born, she forgets the pain, because she is so happy that a child has been born into the world. -John 16:21

Our fathers on earth disciplined us for a short time in the way they thought was best. But God disciplines us to help us, so we can become holy as he is. We do not enjoy being disciplined. It is painful at the time, but later, after we have learned from it, we have peace, because we start living in the right way. -Hebrews 12:10-12

A person might have to suffer even when it is unfair, but if he thinks of God and can stand the pain, God is pleased. -1 Peter 2:19

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation.
—Romans 5:3–4

For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.
— 2 Corinthians 4:17–18

Comfort is found not in the absence of pain but in the midst of it.

Pain removes the veil; it plants the flag of truth within the fortress of a rebel soul -CS Lewis

Jesus stopped and ordered the man to be brought to him.

As Jesus approached Jericho, a blind man was sitting by the roadside begging. When he heard the crowd going by, he asked what was happening. They told him, “Jesus of Nazareth is passing by.”

He called out, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!”

Those who led the way rebuked him and told him to be quiet, but he shouted all the more, “Son of David, have mercy on me!”

Jesus stopped and ordered the man to be brought to him. When he came near, Jesus asked him, “What do you want me to do for you?” “Lord, I want to see,” he replied.

Jesus said to him, “Receive your sight; your faith has healed you.” Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus, praising God. When all the people saw it, they also praised God. LUKE 18: 35-42

I like to go off roading in a 4×4. Once in a while I will go down a trail that others have left a huge rut in. I usually make it but sometimes I get stuck. Being the self confident (stubborn) man I am, I will do my best to get out of this rut by rocking the truck back and forth, even get out and get all muddy by placing sticks under the tires, all the while digging deeper and deeper until the only way out is to call for some help.

I have been stuck in a spiritual rut for a while now. I was reading this morning and this simple phrase made me stop and think. How powerful a statement it is: “Jesus stopped and ordered the man to be brought to him.” Even though this dude is blind and disabled, he calls out to Jesus for help and Jesus says: if you want me to help you, then get your butt over here. A few things that grip me are:

  • Even though Jesus is busy He stops to hear the cry of the blind man.
  • The blind guy is discouraged by some of his peers but calls out even louder.
  • Even though this dude wasn’t capable of walking to Jesus on his own, he still had to do the foot work if he wanted the blessing.
  • It took faith for the man to be healed.
  • He praised and followed Jesus as did others who were a witness to the blessing.

I consider everything in life as a lesson no matter how small. What is the lesson to be learned from this situation? Have you ever been content with mediocracy? Do you have any stories of overcoming an obstacle? Are you in a rut now? I would like to hear from you.